Here’s the update: I’m in pain, stuck inside my apartment, on (prescription) drugs, waiting to hear back from Medicaid so I know whether I’ll have to ask my parents for upwards of $25,000 to pay for my surgery. K and I have to be incredibly careful about having sex, can never have it for a long . . . → Read More: Depression, and an update
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We masochists are generally thought to be people who enjoy pain, and it stops at that. Someone very close to me once said something to the effect of, “lots of kinky things are just fine, but not masochism, that’s unhealthy.” (She didn’t know I was a masochist.) Dictionary.com’s first definition of masochism is, “the condition in . . . → Read More: On Bad Pain One night, quite a while ago, K and I were playing rough. He got deep into me, physically and emotionally, was holding me down, hitting me, telling me he owned me — body, mind and soul. I was crying and saying “no”. I was consenting: “no” is not a safe word for us. Though I was crying, . . . → Read More: Safe Word I have a new problem. Besides my lack of updates, I mean — that’s due to a sinus infection combined with NaNoWriMo and will fix itself soon. This problem is sexual, and it’s one I’ve never heard of before: right before I orgasm, I stop breathing. I’ve been having bigger orgasms than I used to, so maybe . . . → Read More: Breath I have a tummy. It is not small. When I was in my mid-20s, my tummy was flat. I wasn’t eating enough — I didn’t have an eating disorder, but I was terrible at taking care of myself. As I started heading toward my 30s, and eating rationally, my tummy grew a bit, but I could still . . . → Read More: My tummy
For years, I swore I’d never have anal sex. I believed that it would have to hurt, and that it couldn’t possibly be pleasurable for the receiver. I saw it as degrading and icky and altogether something I wanted no part in. Then, this year, I started reading sex toy reviews . . . → Read More: Adventures in Buttsex (Note: the following post should not be taken as advice. It is only my personal experience.) “Don’t beat yourself up.” That is what therapists have told me, self-help books have told me, friends and family have told me. Telling yourself how terrible you are is self-defeating, it paralyzes you, it doesn’t help. You . . . → Read More: Don’t Beat Yourself Up The other day I was talking about sexuality, BDSM in particular, with someone who was pretty freaked out about it. She voiced a common opinion: “I guess it’s okay so long as it’s consensual, but liking pain can’t be healthy.” She meant “healthy” psychologically. I’ve discovered rather recently that I myself like pain in a controlled, loving, . . . → Read More: Coming to terms with BDSM Brilliant post title, huh? OK, I suck at titles. But this has been rattling around in my brain for a while, and I can’t seem to write anything else until I get it out. Very recently — within the past month — I’ve discovered that I’m sexually submissive. “Discovered” is perhaps the wrong term; it’s more like . . . → Read More: Sexually submissive The 21-hour train ride ended at about 12:30 today. I’ve been spending time with K since then, and have discovered that I really like being on the receiving end of a flogger. A lot. This is somewhat surprising to me. Anyway, I have a few reviews to post this week, once I . . . → Read More: I am back! |
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