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I Love Anal Sex

A lot of kink-shaming and porn-shaming seems to be — no, wait. A lot of kink-shaming and porn-shaming is based on a fear of anal sex between a man and a woman. Self-described liberals won’t, for the most part, say anal sex between gay men is wrong: that would be homophobic. But anal sex between a man and a woman, with the man as the penetrator? OPPRESSION.

I was one of those people. I once said, back in the misty days of my early 20s when I knew everything, that no woman could possibly enjoy anal sex. The friend I said this to told me to shove it, I didn’t know what I was talking about. I felt like a moron. This is because I was a moron.

I just read a (mostly okay, though not as BDSM-positive as I’d like) Alternet article: The Anti-Male, Anti-Sex Falsehoods That Rule Discussions about Porn and Sexuality. One particular quote by the anti-porn writer this article’s writer opposes jumped out at me: “any straight man who has had experience with anal sex knows that it’s a big production and usually has a lot of false starts and abrupt stops”


Certainly the first time I had anal sex, it was something of a production. A fun one. Like Broadway. We needed some dress rehearsals before we could get it right.

Nowadays, sometimes K can just get it in me with a bit of lube. Other days, he needs to put a butt plug in me first, or fuck me with a dildo. But “big production”? Nope. Sometimes it takes a while for him to get his penis into my vagina too; once, he even bruised my cervix so badly I nearly fainted, while having normal, if vigorous, piv missionary position sex. It took over a week to heal. But you don’t hear a lot of people talking about the vagaries of penis-in-vagina sex like they’re something scary and weird.

No, it’s anal sex that women can’t possibly want. Anal sex that’s somehow inherently demeaning to the receiver. I certainly enjoy being demeaned sexually by K (and anyone who wants to tell me that means there’s something wrong with me can kindly fuck off elsewhere), and the cultural idea that anal sex is “dirty” and “humiliating” can add to that, but the fact is: anal sex feels good. Really good. K’s dick in my ass gives me immense physical pleasure. There are lots of nerve endings in the butt and they love a good massage.

Here is what we are going to do with this post. If you love receiving anal penetration, comment. You can just say, “I love it,” or you can share your positive experiences. It doesn’t matter what gender or sexuality you are: you just need to love putting things in your butt for sexual pleasure.

28 comments to I Love Anal Sex

  • Butt plugs. They are awesome. I like to put them in my butt and leave them there. That is all I know so far. One day I will have more to contribute to discussions of anal sex.

    I don’t get how it being a “big production” is problematic, either. Like, OH GOD WE HAVE TO COMMUNICATE AND MAKE SURE NO PAIN IS CAUSED! OH THE HORROR!

    Also, “This is because I was a moron” — I LOLed.

  • Postmodern Sexgeek

    I’ve definitely engaged in anal sex and anal play and enjoyed it. For me it does require a little more prep work than vaginal sex but it’s worth it. I think part of the reason they imply or say it’s a big production is this: I find that a lot of hetero couples who are doing anal with the woman receiving often assume that they can just stick a penis in an unlubed, unprepped asshole. This is why I hear so many stories from women in my counseling rooms about how horrible it was and how they will NEVER do it again. Of course I Also hear from hetero men and women who recoil when I mention anal and that’s ok too. I’m just trying to help them be safe. I don’t necessarily need to help them open up their sexual horizons but I do get a little sad when people refuse to try new things.

    • Elodie

      I have a Thing about lube. The fact that anal sex is such a taboo makes for so many bad sexual experiences because people don’t know how to prepare and to use lube.

  • Much like Epiphora, I’ve only had experience with butt plugs and solitary play, but I really enjoy it, too. Plus, while I think it’s always nice to err on the side of caution, I remember mostly being surprised at how easy it was the first time I tried it, that it didn’t take all that long and didn’t hurt, and I wasn’t walking funny the next day- all things I’d come to expect from my reading.

    The only thing that ruins it for me is the mess, and I don’t even mean the dreaded comes-with-anal mess, but simply having to get my sheets and fingers all lubey, to try to get the lube inside me, rather than just smeared around the outside of the hole . . .

    • Elodie

      it didn’t take all that long and didn’t hurt, and I wasn’t walking funny the next day

      Yep, same here. Unlike with my first time having vaginal sex, which was a good experience, but did hurt, and did make me sore for a week.

      I can’t give you any advice regarding the lube mess, since K takes care of that for me. Maybe someone else has a suggestion.

  • I <3 this so much.
    One of my resolutions this year was more anal sex. No joke, my best and fastest orgasms have come from anal sex. QUICK, SOMEONE CALL DR. FREUD.

    Don’t get me wrong, I love me some PiV, but there is something about the combined mental & physical stimulation of anal that really does it for me. That said, I totally hated it the first time I tried it with a boyfriend. The problem? Awful, awful lube. It literally burned. The second anyone brings KY near me I tense up. Now that I’ve graduated to grown up/not awful lubricants I can safely say it’s one of my favorite things ever. And I like a lot of things.

  • Onyx

    As a man who enjoys being both the penetrator and the penetrated when it comes tyo anal sex I can only say Bravo! Anal sex certainly can be painful and not enjoyable if done wrong, but when it’s done right it’s amazing. Both Scarlet and I greatly enjoy playing with butt toys and fucking each other and do so on a fairly regular basis.

  • Caroline

    I love anal sex with my current boyfriend. I had tried it in the past, but my ex didn’t take the time to prepare me, or there was awful lube, or I got bored and said “Just put it in me! I don’t care anymore!” (Awful, awful mistake.) My current boyfriend is so loving and generous when it comes to preparing me and actually having butt play or anal sex. And I love it.

    I haven’t tried butt plugs yet…that will be something fun to add!

  • aag

    I love anal sex. The “extra” preparation that means you have to spend more time talking and negotiating and touching? Bring it on!

  • I love anal. Love giving and taking, love rimming, love fingering, love it all. I’m a proponent of lube for the larger objects, and for helping someone who’s new to anal feel a little more comfortable.

    Fingering is a lot of fun, the texture is so different from the inside of a vagina. Very smooth and elastic and fun to play with. Also fun is fingers in both holes, and rubbing your finger tips together… I like having that done to me, a lot. I fantasize about anal a lot, maybe even more than I fantasize about vaginal sex.

  • Anonymous

    Anal sex is amazing!

  • RaDD678

    Love anal. Love.Love.LOVE!!! I am, however, not such a huge fan of lube. Sometimes it is necessary, but usually I can do without it. There is nothing like the deliciously full feeling of anal with some intense clit play. Also, I am really curious, can anyone else squirt from anal? Just recently discovered I can do this regularly… pretty intense. But I do agree that one bad experience can really ruin things. I started out with really negative anal experiences and thought I would never enjoy it. Now it is a consistent and regular part of my sex life.

  • sage harrison

    Caught this on twitter – had to come and check it out.

    When I was in my early twenties, I was married to a guy who ‘had’ to have sex at least three times a day. My problem? He was way too thick (we’re talking as around as a beer can from tip to base, no joke). I hated it – because he was unskilled, undisciplined and a bastard to boot. It didn’t matter how I was feeling – he took what he wanted. I looked forward to my period, because it gave my aching vagina a week off.

    However that was short lived – he heard the stories from the men in the barracks that a period was only an excuse – after all, a woman had two holes, right? Needless to say, he tried anal intercourse several times – I screamed, he didn’t care – and those times was the most horrific experiences I had all my life.For the next twenty three years, if any lover even THOUGHT of traveling to the back door, I would totally freak out.

    Then, I started reading and writing M/M romance (male/male romance). In order to bring realiism to my stories, I need to research and explore. I read in detail, how the lovers would prepare themselves – take the time, how to ‘push’ and ‘relax’ – etc. This intrigued me – and so, slowly, I started to experiment on myself (and on my lovers).

    I firmly believe my ex’s size was simply too big for me (in either hole) However, I also see, because of lack of information, technique and HIS maturity, the problems and fears from my experience could be over come with the right person. Also, by being the one who penetrated, I was able to ease more of my fears by learning the correct way of pleasing my partner anally, and in return, being able to instruct future lovers the proper way of anal sex without hurting me. (if that makes sense to anyone!)

    Today, I love to rim and be rimmed. I love my anus fingered while I come orally. And I love to use a small dildo anally when I masturbate. In fact, those ways are so satisfying, I can’t remember the last time I came without my ass hole dallied with. I haven’t yet allowed myself anal intercourse with a partner driving into me with a penis or a penis strap on – but I know that day will come — and this time, it will be a totally different experience.

    • Elodie

      I am so so sad that anyone in the world could be as horrible as your first husband. “I screamed, he didn’t care” — I can’t imagine the horror of that, or what kind of a rotten excuse for a human being would do something like that to anyone else, ever.

      I’m very glad you’re doing well now.

  • huck

    Like many others, I enjoy anal stimulation, too. Both receiving and giving. As a monogamous bisexual, most of my participation comes from my own experimentation/play at this point and I would probably have a plug inserted most of the day if I thought I could manage it discretely (it’s those transition times that scare me). If not in a committed relationship though, what [extra] fun I could have!

    I respect my wife’s decision that penetration is something she doesn’t want to receive but she does enjoy stimulation in that area and I’m happy to provide as much of that as she’ll take. Maybe someday she’ll be open to more. I’m also very happy that she understands the pleasure it brings me and isn’t afraid to help me experience that, either.

  • I love anal sex! At just the right angle my g spot gets hit- it’s taboo and requires that extra bit of patience & communication that makes any kind of sex hot!

  • I never understood the whole “OPPRESSION” part of it. I like it once in a while when I’m in the mood for it, personally. It’s something different.

  • I adore anal play. With toys, penises, fingers and the whole nine. I *wholeheartedly* agree with your angle here. Overall, anal sex seriously steeped in misinformation, stereotypes and mystery. It drives me bonkers. SO! Ditto ditto and a big amen to you and all the previous comments. Hooray for pleasurable butt play!

  • Anal sex rocks. On occasion, I’ve received more pleasure from it than other forms of sexy play. In tandem? Sheer heaven. And I’m not afraid to stand up and say so.

    I just started reading Tristan Taormino’s “The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women” and in her second edition introduction, she delves into the same societal biases and bullshit you mention in your post here. I think that it’s ridiculous how often people who have never engaged in any form of anal play decide that if it’s from a man to a woman, there is abuse or oppression or just general “putting up with it-ness” involved, and if it’s from a woman to a man that he must be homosexual, of course. It’s such crap.

    Today Paulo Coelho tweeted a quotation about taking advice from the experienced versus the experts… and I think that suits this topic quite nicely. Bring on the anal-lovin!

  • Anal sex is amazing. I enjoy having it, and I like to give it, to men or women, really. I’ve given it to straight men as well as bi, and their moans are so incredibly amazing. Women, too, in the past, as long as I warmed them up… they can be unlike any other.

    Also, so /what/ if it’s a “production?” What’s wrong with making sex of any sort an intricate, all-night-long, sensual, amazing, drawn out thing? Enjoying each other’s bodies and giving each other pleasure, regardless of genders, Shouldn’t that be the most important part? Three cheers for Anal sex!

  • captainAnon

    Growing up in a Christian house I was taught wrong. So I went from don’t touch yourself… To where I’m at now… Enjoy all of yourself!

    I love the feelings, I can get gay men to give me anal, but people my age cum to fast, and any girlfriend I have will chat on forever about how open minded she is, but any mention at anything not completely 1000 percent hetero masculine straight man complexed… Is: “soooo weeeeirrdd waaaah!”

    Wish I had a girl who do me with a strap on :/

  • princess

    I’m so glad I stumbled across this! Like so many people I had one bad experience of anal with my ex when I was younger. It was unprepared, painful and as far from fun as you can get! My bf and I have just started anal play and I lovvvvvve it! When he first fingered me I was creeped out and felt like it was wierd and wrong, especially because I enjoyed it so much. I actually googled whether I was wrong to have enjoyed it! Gradually we’ve played more and more and anal play has become loads of fun for us both and just as frequent as ‘regular’ foreplay and sex. We’re building up to anal sex which we both really want to try and the building up to it has been half the fun! I agree with so many people on here…anal play SHOULD be a big performance. We’ve talked and played and experimented over months and its built the excitment so that we’re both ready for and soooooo excited by anal sex!!! Hooray for performances and HOORAY for all things anal!!!!

  • Rebecca

    We started anal in November and its awesome! It is more satisfying than piv sex and I crave his member in me daily! It has bonded us tightly and relieves stress for us both (we are male and female)! I feel more women should try it before speaking so negatively about it! Christians need to stop lying about anal between male n female- as all scripture speaks of male on male, tho I’m not judging ANYONE! I was raised to shun such but now in middle age realize the prejudice behind such rearing! We found our gold and treasure it completely! Research the topic and practice makes perfect if your first time was difficult! Relaxation is key and can only be obtained with two passionate adults with like minds! Rushing anal or just giving it to gain power will not make it a pleasurable experience. Someone needs to collaborate and produce literature to educate the world on this topic- as I’ve encountered many naive, or just blatant hypocrites, about this. I love anal and always will! Thank you for being a sound voice in the midst of a bunch of mindless chatter! God bless!

  • Benjamin

    My girlfriend and I love anal.She has greatly enhanced orgasms from it.Many people dont know what an erotic orifice the anus is and how richly innervated it is.My girlfriend loves me playing with her clit while penetrating her anus with my penis.She also loves it when i tease her anus with the head of my penis,and she ends up begging me to stick it in.Sometimes she will prepare herself with a small buttplug before i insert my penis.I have always taken care to relax her sphincter and use enough lube.This is key.I should add that i think buttholes are gorgeous! The sight of one turns me on big time.

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