Fumble Toward Ecstacy: Kama Sutra Game Review for Babeland

The Kama Sutra is an ancient sacred text of erotic and romantic instruction, but to most people it calls to mind sexual positions suitable only for the performers of the Cirque du Soleil. There are hundreds of products which attempt to bring the wisdom of the Kama Sutra to the less limber, though they normally only pay lip service to its underlying message. The Kama Sutra Game from Babeland tries to transmit erotic spirituality in a board game, with mixed results.

We use pieces from our Talisman fantasy game because we are dorks

The Kama Sutra Game is meant for two players. One player travels along the green path and the other travels along the yellow path, following the instructions on the spaces they land on. The instructions are things like, “Ask your lover what pleasuring they would want right now. Give it to them,” and, “Kiss your lover’s body with 6 of your lover’s kisses on 6 delicious places.” Sometimes a player is instructed to draw a card and follow the instructions on that as well. The card activities include things like massage, oral sex, taking a shower together, and sharing fantasies. Nearly all activities, both on the board and in the cards, are timed and quite short. There are also position cards; if drawn, they are to be put aside until the end of the game, when the person who reaches the last space (ECSTACY) can choose one.

While most of the cards and board spaces can be easily played by any two people without changes, the position cards are all penis-in-vagina sex between a man and a woman. They could be adapted for other couples and purposes, but that sounds like a lot of work in what’s supposed to be a pleasurable board game. Also, the players are instructed to change positions after five minutes, which both K and I find silly. We don’t want to time sex. The positions are rated by difficulty, and should all be doable for most people. The “endgame” suits us, since we are a man and woman who both love piv sex, but it will not suit everyone.

Speaking of not suiting everyone: I removed nearly all the “tell your lover a fantasy” cards from the deck. We tell each other all our fantasies anyway, so when we got one of those cards, we sat there feeling dumb and saying, “uh, do I have to think of a new one right now?” (One card I left in: If your private parts could speak to your lover what would it tell them? What would it ask for? Cheesiness AND subject-verb disagreement — how could I discard that?)

"This would be easier if we had opposable thumbs."

A second problem with the cards arises at the end of the game, when each player is supposed to have a few position cards to choose from. Neither K nor I had any position cards when I landed on the last space. Next time we play, we will draw a position card each time we land on one of the orange “draw a card” spaces.

K and I both enjoy the Kama Sutra Game, but we won’t be playing it much. We did learn a couple things  — who knew the bridge of the nose could be an erogenous zone? — and it was fun not to know what the game would give us next. But halfway through playing, K said, “I don’t think this game is really meant for us.” While the copious amounts of massage, oral sex, and piv sex the game supplies are all things we love, he was right. This game is for people who are in a new relationship, have had problems communicating their sexual desires in an established relationship, or who need to practice foreplay more. It’s also for people who either don’t mind euphemisms like “ultimate pleasure zone” or who, like me, find them hilarious.

I can’t recommend the Kama Sutra Game unreservedly. But if you’re shy about sex, but not too shy to play a sexual board game, and you love penis-in-vagina sex, then this game will probably make your ultimate pleasure zone ecstatic. Personally, I prefer strip chess.

Thank you, Babeland, for sending me the Kama Sutra Game to review. This feminist, sex-positive store has lots of erotic games and sex toys to play with. July is customer appreciation month at Babeland, so it’s a great time to check them out. Plus, donate just $5 to comprehensive sex education when you make a Babeland purchase, and you’ll get Jimmyjane massage lotion, a $24 value, as a thank-you gift!